The first fifteen nights of Ramadan have passed. I can feel the Ramadan fatigue setting in. Time passes by more slowly during the day. Nights drag on a little longer, with each set of terawih requiring more rests in between. 

My relationship with Ramadan has always been complicated. At the heart of it lies the one beverage that has part of my morning routine: coffee. Last year, in my attempt to wean myself off caffeine, I made myself a cup of decaffeinated coffee for day one of sahur, and suffered a head-splitting migraine for the rest of the day.

This year, I have wisened up a little, choosing my battles more carefully. I end my sahur with a cup of coffee. I now save the decaffeinated coffee for buka instead. 

But the beauty of Ramadan often reveals itself in the second half of the month. For me that includes the small joy of listening to Hari Raya songs, setting up the lampu lap-lip at home and spending the nights at the masjid for terawih. 

I have many pleasant memories of Ramadan. One that still lights me up inside was the Ramadan my father brought me for Umrah. I was seventeen. This was a time before Facebook, Instagram and WhatsApp; a time when the only means of communication with loved ones back home was at a shop offering international calls. These shops were quite a feature in Makkah and Madinah at that time. You only needed to walk in and the man (or sometimes boy) at the counter would direct you to one of the available phone booths. You then dial the number with the international calling code, chat for however long you wished and then make payment at the counter when you were done.

I remember calling my best friend at that time. I remember hearing the excitement in her voice when she realised it was me on the line. 

More recently, I remember heading over to Shaw Cineplex after terawih at Masjid Al-Falah because the eldest son was hungry. I remember us sitting by the glass panels, watching the night lights outside while eating popcorn and just chatting away.

It’s incredible how the sense of solitude these memories evoke lingers till this day. And for me, that is what makes Ramadan wonderful.